A Dairy January 1, 2022

 It was not all that OK With me when it all began and I was only 62. But the 60s, and the last 60s was really an aging time for me. I shifted from being more or less middle-aged to elderly I mean I can feel thing in my body. This is not a good trend or not one that I welcome with delight because I don't have to capacity to support myself if I can't work because my SS is on 422 a month. 

We were an economic failure as a couple. T had health challenges that kept her out of work for months at a time, about three of these. We are now both art models but don't have jobs. I did well with the CARES ACT that has left me with 16,000 in my checking account so I have some options on my own.

If we want to live together it would have to be way out there in the burbs was a hefty fare on the LIRR. And I never wanted to live in the burbs with the care and the Trump banners and having to get a ride to the far away (40 minute walk) to the train. And her parents and like 10 and 12 years YOUNGER than I am.

It was always an open relationship and she had another boyfriend when it started. I thought I could just be something easy on the side but it turned out that I was to be the main man. I had a long term place in NYC where we both lived for a couple years and then it was, for the couple, OUT THERE they only option. 

Her parents are working class democrat types and were mostly OK with me, yet, I'm a boy from the mid 20th Century when boys were taught to be "men" and can't shake the shame of living like that being so much older and all. That is not good but there it is. (I was a separate apartment in her parents house and I didn't see them all that often. But they could walk in anytime if they wanted. there was no locked door between. 

But also I can't see how a 70 to 80 decade would do Tara any good at all and could be an absolute disaster of being 45 years old and changing the diapers of a man who doesn't remember you and is costing you a lot of money.ey

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