A Diary Dec 9, 2021

 I just have to avoid becoming scared. Scared of being old and alone and cold.

"That was the great thing about John and what I got from him, from all those years. He saw that we are not just in the material world; he saw beyond death, that this life is just a little play that is going on. And he understood that." George

And I can easily get scared. There is every reason to be scared. After all I’m going to die and it might be very unpleasant getting there. I know I am not good at taking care of things. Of having insurance and assurance about the future.

It continues to bother me that I never hear from T. It’s not like I’m that much of a bad person who one really needs to avoid. It does tell me something about her. Not sure what. 

I’m hanging around on standby this week in the mornings. They haven’t been using me so I nap in the cafe a bit. It’s quiet in here since it never opened to sell things again.

I miss her frequent text messages through the day, “Good morning” with photo in bed with kitty cat. And on from there. In a way it is like having the radio always on NPR all day and suddenly switching it off. It’s an adjustment to make.

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