Mar 24, 2022
These are not really good times for me. I'm in Mexico which was supposed to be an improvement, but I just do not like it here and don't feel I belong. Meanwhile my younger brother, 6 years younger, died the day after I arrived here. I have gone to Evensville Indiana and visited him on the way here. I was with him two days before he died. I had sad dreams last night about Tara, the woman I pushed out of my life last year. I had not intended that she would cut me off and not respond to messages I sent and walk away from me at the place we worked in NYC. I was trying to make up with her in the dreams which I guess is not going to happen. I wish I would just die now too. I'm just tired of my life and old anyway. I'm planning to go back to NYC in June so maybe things with somehow reset and be BETTER then. On the way there I am going to Ohio for a memorial service for my brother.